Capoferro: Week Four (A Partial Update)

I've made progress on my two main goals from last week -- walking through the notes I was less clear on and starting to put things into an organization scheme -- but not enough to warrant a full update.

So instead some initial observations and notes from the last week of practices and tournaments:

The Issues With Specificity
I noted earlier that as early as I am in the text, Capoferro is waffling back and forth between broad, general theory and very specific action-reaction descriptions. I assume when I get into the actual plates and plays, there will be even more of the specifics. And that's great on the one hand, because that level of specificity makes it easy to walk through, test, and pull apart. But to pull everything together for actual fighting I need something broader.

I can't remember a vast collection of (currently) disparate potential events. I can at best remember one or two, and other than that I run best off generalities and re-deriving what I should be doing on the fly according to base principles. At least, that's true for everything I've learned other than fencing, and I have no reason to expect fencing to be any different.

So! All the more reason to start pulling together the generalized theory from these specific plays. First step: groupings for similar actions. Eventual end goal: flow charts for days, and enough generalities that I can figure out what to do against folks not playing the Italian game.

I know people have made flow charts off of Capoferro already, but theoretically the point of my read through is to generate my own conclusions. So I'll avoid looking at those for the time being.


Tournament Mindspace and Warm Ups
The last two tournaments I've been in have gone roughly the same way. I start the day feeling bad and doing poorly, improve over the course of things, and by the end of the day feel comfortable and fight well. That's not really ideal. I clearly need some kind of warm up, but so far all I've got for a plan there is "Spar or slow fence with someone who fights like an Italian." That usually reminds me that I do have at least some idea of what I'm doing, and kicks my brain back into thinking about my fight in the right way. Otherwise the gears turn so slowly that I've barely developed a plan before I'm dead.

I'm not fond of this as a plan, since it relies on someone else wanting to warm up with me, but I don't think solo drills will knock me out of my sluggish anxiety state.

Weekly status:

 - Only drilled sporadically.
 - Restarted running! Back to the beginning.

Practice notes:
   - Elbow has started drooping consistently.
   - Keep an eye on footwork.
   - Withdraw, turn hand, pivot elbow. Practice.
   - Be better about turning my hand when gaining the blade.
   - At least four drills/sparring sessions/whathaveyou per fencing practice.
   - Knee started to get upset from lack of stretching. Stretch!
   - Lunges.

Weekly goals:

 - Keep up running. Add in other exercises.

 - Work on practice notes.
 - Work on generalized Capoferro structure.

Capoferro: Week Three (Missed One)

I should have posted this last week (I haven't actually read any further), but c'est la vie. Despite the added week, most of this section of text isn't covered with notes. Partly because it covers topics that have been covered in greater depth elsewhere (it's oddly redundant) and partly because I went over this more quickly. Worry not, I intend to go back over all of this in more depth next week.

Until then:

Explanation of Some Practical Fencing Terms

• This title seems useful, but is about 50% lie.

The Sword

• A decent start for a terminology chapter.
• Strong, weak, true edge, false edge. Other people make other divisions, but that can be added to the "Capoferro disapproves" bucket.

The Guards

• Focus on the hilt for guard definition.
• People agree on some points, but not other points. Minor amounts of sass.
• Actually new and interesting: "terza and quarta are the counter-guards ... outside or inside respectively ... all guards can be counter-guards"
• That raised questions:
• Why aren't the others counter-guards? They "can" be, but he implies they aren't by nature. 
• Is terza really the outside counter-guard? I would have guessed seconda. But rereading his description of the guards, terza and quarta have more in common than quarta and seconda, with 3 and 4 being based on inside/outside the knee, and 1 and 2 being more based on height. Does that mean my terza should be less straight on than it currently is? And my quarta should be moreso?

Tempo

• This doesn't seem to have anything new, which may mean I'm missing something.

Measure

• This doesn't seem to have anything new, which may mean I'm missing something.

Offensive Tempi

• "The following are the tempi in which the opponent may be attacked" I'm not consciously looking for these, and I should be.

Stance and Stepping

• This doesn't seem to have anything new, which may mean I'm missing something.

Parries

• "When you need to employ two tempi, gather your left foot next to the right while you parry and then step forward with your right foot for the riposte."

Feints and Covering the Sword

• "Covering the sword is a sort of feint consisting in covering the opponent's sword-point with your debole, when the opponent is in low quarta." There are steps missing here. I should think this through.

Changing Guards

• "when you change from one guard to another while in measure, it is best to retreat with the left foot accompanied by the right"

What to Do Against Those Who Circle

• We have strayed pretty far from "practical fencing terms."
• Walk through these two descriptions as drills.

What to Do Against a Left-Foot-Forward Guard

• My past self helpfully highlighted this entire section with the note "This is all very dense and should be walked through." Thanks, past self.

Gaining the Sword

• Oh good, we're back to terminology and not miscellaneous specific actions.
• "gain the opponent's debole with a palmo of yours [...] as the opponent performs a cavazione, begin gaining his forte with or without a controcavazione" Keeping more of a conscious eye on crossings would be good, and I like that he's assuming the gaining happens during a cavazione.
• Emphasis on straight lines. 

Important Advice About Controlling The Opponent's Sword

• And away from terminology again.
• Discussion of beats, which I avoid but should probably acknowledge as a strategy. "with your debole to find a tempo or the measure"
• Thrusts are good, cuts are bad.

The Cavazione and the Controcavazione

• controcavazione - "following the motion of the opponent's sword until yours is where it started"
• cavazione (below) - "arm extended and with a little advance of your right foot"
• cavazione (above) - "slightly withdraw your body and keep your arm and sword at a backward-sloping angle"

Strikes

• A variety of names for cuts that I will one day remember, but that day is not this day.
• Some advice for parries and cuts, but he doesn't seem very enthusiastic about it.
• "Remember that false-edge parries are performed with the debole" I don't see the link here to the earlier cut-parry statements, and I don't remember that because I'm not sure it's been mentioned. False-edge parries with the debole? I'll think about that a bit.
• I should honestly spend more time on these cuts to better understand this section.

The Cut

• "saw-like motion" 

The Thrust

• The different terms for thrusts I also rarely remember, but should make more effort to do so. In the mean time I'll just refer back to here when he mentions them later. 
• Useful terminology!

For the next week, instead of moving on to "How to Unsheathe the Sword," I'm going to go back to the various sections I've highlighted in these posts as needing to be walked through/visualized/thought about. I'm also going to try to put the specific pieces and notes I've pulled out (like the above advice on cavaziones) and see if I can organize those into something easier to keep in mind while I'm drilling. 

I don't know what notes I'll have from that, but we'll find out!

Weekly status:

 - Only drilled sporadically. No additional exercise.

 - Practice note: Not turning hand enough when gaining the blade.

Weekly goals:

 - Still baseline drills and stretching.

 - Going over notes in actual depth.

 - Fixing my poor beleaguered fencing mask.

 - Restart running.

So you want your trans friends to be comfortable at SCA events... (Part 2)

In light of recent events, it seemed helpful to add a small addition to this continuing series. 

Much of what I'm going to say here applies to other persecuted minorities as well, though I'm only speaking from my experience.



1. Listen to, trust, and believe them.

This seems easy and straight-forward, but it isn't. If your friend tells you about some aspect of their experience or some fear that they have, trust that they know better than you. Despite the troubling statistics around trans lives, it's still common for people who don't live with it to think "This could never happen to Soandso in Suchandsuch town or community." or "Restroom bills would never happen here, and even if they did they're really more of an inconvenience than anything." Don't do that. Trust us. We know what we're talking about.

For more concrete advice: 

Phrases that are rarely helpful - "I'm sure it won't be that bad." "You'll be okay." etc. Anything that dismisses or minimizes very real concerns, even if you're trying to be soothing.

Phrases that ARE helpful - "You have my support." "I'm with you." "What can I do to help?"

2. Travel with them.

SCA events are scattered all over the country, and even if the person feels safe at events or around their home region, long distance travel takes you through a number of places that might not be so safe, particularly with the recent spike in hate crimes across the country. Car pool, caravan, whatever you need to to make sure that there is someone with them during that mid-drive stopover in unfamiliar and possibly unfriendly territory.

3. Educate and build bridges.

Please don't let things slide. Call out cissexist language when you hear it.* Correct folks who are misunderstanding trans issues. And when you can, do it with patience and in ways that will help people listen and learn. There is a place for anger, but there's a very important and large middle ground between "getting angry" and "letting things slide" that isn't as often addressed. This will be uncomfortable. Maybe you'll be interrupting a joke or a story to correct someone on these issues when you're all otherwise having a good time, but it has to happen, and it's much easier for you than for the trans people around you. (And before you think "Oh, but this isn't a place for that," look over at your trans friend who doesn't get to make the choice about when and where they deal with microaggressions, and consider who you're trying to make comfortable.)

* Examples of cissexist language: equating gender and genitalia (this happens constantly), stating that there are only two genders, treating biological gender as in some way a real or more clear/binary thing than gender identity (it's not). This is a complicated subject, and education should apply to yourself, as well.

4. Don't out anyone without their permission.

This always bears repeating. But I'll add that some people might be comfortable being out in certain circumstances and not others. Perhaps when they're traveling they want to keep a lower profile, or simply right now due to current events they're going to be a little less vocal. Support whatever they need to do to feel safe and comfortable, and don't compromise that. Check in and be sure. (For what it's worth, there are no changes for me. I'm out as trans everywhere and don't see that changing any time soon.)

5. Continue trying to make the world a better place.

We can all do better and be better, and do what we can to make the world better, too. Maybe for you that means donating to charities, getting involved in causes, or simply doing everything you can to take care of your community. Whatever it is, thank you. We're in a better place now than we were decades ago, and we'll keep moving forward. Even if it gets a little harder for a while.


Thank you for caring enough to read these, and please consider similar questions and concerns for other groups I can't as readily speak to. A lot of people are scared or sad or angry right now, and for good reasons, but an actively compassionate community can go a long way to help.

Capoferro: Week Two

I'm cheating a bit here. I went farther in my marginalia read through than I covered last week, and I'm using that for this post. For the past seven days I haven't done my drills, stretches, general exercises, or really even unknotted my shoulders.  But life goes on. The world gets a little darker, we lose loved ones, and we keep moving forward. Tomorrow I'll wake up early and get back to it. But for tonight, Capoferro notes.

Here Follows the Great Representation of the Practice of Fencing; Beginning with the Explanation of the Difference Between Art and Practice

•  Like the beginning of the last section, this talks less about the practicalities of fencing and more of the thought process behind this text. As for my notes, there are some underlines and a little heart by one of his explanations, but the biggest practical takeaway I have is this section: "I have instead narrowed down the art to a small number of rules distinct from its practice [...] I will leave it to others to dedicate their study to the uncertain and unlimited details of specific and ever-changing situations." Even the perfect application of the rules and plays that Capoferro sets out in this text wouldn't be the entirety of fencing, even by his definition, and isn't enough to adapt to every situation. These are tools and a good structure within which to operate. Even his plays break rules and preferences he's set out. This is a start, and I'll treat it as such.

A Few Recommendations about Fencing

• "Watch your opponent's sword-hand" (paraphrase) I too often look at feet, I think.

Parrying, Striking, and Voiding

• "Never perform a defensive action without also performing an offensive one." (paraphrase/summary) I definitely don't do this.

The Benefits of Sword Alone

• "Sword alone is the queen of all other weapon-combinations" This is a familiar concept.
• "keep your arm extended, since by doing so you will push all the opponent's attacks safely out of your presence" This seems reasonable, but it's not something I'd been explicitly watching, particularly when my opponents close in on me.

How To Act Against A Brutish Man

• Use tempo.
• More specifically, aim for hand/arm or otherwise make good use of distance.

How To Become A Perfect Fencer

• Practice with a diverse and talented group of fencers. I have this covered! Though I can't get complacent and keep fighting the people I'm most used to fighting, particularly at events.

The Safest Guard

• "The point should always be directed to the middle of the opponent's torso." Interesting. I think I usually point to faces. Hm.

The Futility of Feints

• Noted.

From Whom You Should Learn

• "there is a big difference between knowing and teaching"
• Only listen to people who have a good handle of measure and tempo.

Gaining the Sword

•  "both useful and beautiful" <3
•  Know how to free your sword: I felt like more general help should have followed that statement.
•  "never perform a cavazione followed by a full cut, or a cavazione followed by a parry and riposte" Again, not something that I was actively looking for, but now I'll try to.
•  "Pull back with your body and lower your sword"
•  Much as I enjoy aspects of his structure and writing, the back and forth between general theory and very specific plays in these early sections is disorienting.

Striking in Contratempo

• Capoferro disapproves of most ways of striking in contratempo, except for two, and one seems to include the inadvisable passing step?
• Generally walk through these.

Steps

• "Walking naturally" and the footwork he describes here seems contradictory, but I have a note to "walk through this" (I assume I didn't notice the pun at the time), and if thinking about it in such a way makes footwork easier, all the better.

Striking the Hand

• "Every time your opponent's sword is out of your presence [...] point your sword to his hand in a straight line."
• I like hand strikes.

Recovering After Striking

• "if you have more room, recover with two backward passes, the last of which will allow you to recover in guard"
• Some practice recovering quickly, gracefully, and in guard would doubtless be helpful.

That's it for this week. One more week of this sort of thing, and then it looks like I get to pictures. How that will change these posts (or my practicing during the week) is as yet unclear.

Note from practice last week:
 - Punch differently

Goals for this week:
 - Morning drills (same batch as before)
 - Evening exercise
 - Remembering to stretch
 - Weekend drills should include going through these past two weeks of notes
 - Witty aphorisms and innate stubbornness

Capoferro: Week One

As mentioned in my last (very short) post, I'm working on starting up better drilling habits and walking through Capoferro's The Art and Practice of Fencing. The notes I'm taking on it are from the perspective of a novice (me) and for my own benefit, so shouldn't be treated as anything more than that. If you're interested in in depth discussion of the text, I recommend checking out The Tavern Knight's Barracks, where Remy's doing a series of posts on the subject.

But on to my first week. I ended up reading through and taking notes on more than my very conservative initial plan, though the initial sections were sparse for concrete short term and long term takeaways. Much of these earlier sections I've already covered in some depth elsewhere, but it's nice to read it from the direct source. So I'm breezing through this a little quickly to get to the rest, but this won't be the last time I read through all of this.

For reference, the translation I'm reading through is Tom Leoni's "A Practical Translation for the Modern Swordsman."


Chapter I: Of Fencing In General

• I don't have notes from this section for things I need to work on, but I enjoy his breakdown of art vs. science and "reason, nature, art, and practice." Really, this section mostly makes me want to geek out about writing structure.
• Biggest notes: "It's unfortunate that you're short, deal with it.", "Practice!", and "Never forget that this is the art of defense." (All paraphrased, which I hope is obvious, but I'll call out quotes versus paraphrases throughout these posts anyway.)

Chapter II: The Definition of Fencing, and Its Explanation

• I have literally no notes or underlines in this section. It repeats a lot of Chapter I.

Chapter III: The Part of Fencing Consisting in the Knowledge of the Sword

• Stay out of measure unless/until you're attacking.
• My sword is nowhere near as long as he says it should be. By either measure he gives I'd need to add about half a foot. Interesting to know.

Chapter IV: Measure

• "Measure is the distance between the point of my sword and the torso of my opponent." I've never heard this described so exactly, and I'd like to remember it.
• He lists off the various measures and their tempos and actions. I'd like to get better about remembering the exact details of this list and being careful to set up my drills in specific measures.

Chapter V: Tempo

• "Tempo is nothing but the measurement of stillness and motion."
• "it is far better to proceed (as the saying goes) with a leaden foot"
• Patience and bursts of speed.
• "Work out and practice so that you aren't slow." (paraphrased)
• I've underlined the "bad habits" section, which I'm almost certainly developing and will try to cut back on.
• Measure and tempo are two of the most difficult core principles for me, and though I don't seem to have detailed notes on either of these sections, it's because I want to keep chewing on this information and returning to reread.

Chapter VI: The Body, Beginning with the Head

• Head should stay in line with the sword, and generally always be properly guarded. 
• "While standing in guard and seeking the measure, the head should lean toward the left shoulder, whereas while striking it should lean towards the right shoulder." Running through my stances, this is clearly something I've been taught, but I don't think I've ever seen or heard it expressed directly.
• "Other people do other things, but they're wrong." (paraphrased) Capoferro is one of the most concisely judgmental authors I've read and I love him for it.

Chapter VII: The Body

• Walking through this description of stance and guard matches what I've been doing, which is nice. Same notes to fix and watch as always.
• "The farther away attacks come from, the safer and better they are."
• Be a smaller target when possible.
• Other people continue to do illogical things that Capoferro doesn't approve of.

Chapter VIII: The Arms

• Sword should divide all lines in half. 
• Don't fully extend your arm, but don't keep it fully withdrawn. Good reasoning provided for this.
• Left side of the body acts as a counterweight while standing in guard.
• "Always point your sword at your opponent's right side openings." (paraphrased) I definitely don't pay enough attention to this.

Chapter IX: The Thighs, the Legs, the Feet, and the Stance

• Walking through the stance directions bit by bit matched up with what I'd already been told and practicing, but it's always good to check up on those things.
• You should be able to hang out comfortably in your base stance.
• "Some people move in ways other than a straight line, but they're terrible." (paraphrased) Huh! Noted. I'll worry a bit less about my offline movements for the time being.
• "Passing steps are not advisable." Well darn.

Chapter X: The Defense, the Guard

• "Only the terza, therefore, can be classified as a guard." I hear this is somewhat unique to Capoferro, so I'll keep that in mind.
• Guard in terza holds the sword equidistant to all sides/lines, to allow equal ability to respond in any direction.

Chapter XI: How to Seek the Measure

• "[The tempo of seeking measure] must be proportional to the last boundary of the wide measure -- which is where the tempo for seeking the measure expires, giving way to the tempo of another action: striking."
• Patience.
• Again, a section I want to reread and go over more slowly.
• Mention of blade above opponent's.
• Perform cavaciones while moving backwards. Gain while moving forwards.
• Being fancy remains inefficient and terrible.

Chapter XII: Of Strikes

• "While striking, I necessarily parry at the same time" reminds me of a note I have from a Devon Boorman class, which went something like "parrying is just finding." I like this mentality and would like to work on thinking of things that way.
• Thrusts are always better than cuts, unless I'm on horseback. Good to know.

Chapter XIII: The Dagger

•  "A dagger is a slightly worse sword, let's not waste words here." (paraphrased) Oh, Capoferro. You're the best. 

That's it for now. As for drills and exercises for the week, I restarted my morning stretches and footwork/lunge drills consistently, but didn't branch into other drills, and didn't manage to restart my exercise schedule.

Main notes from last week:
 - Find from the elbow, not the wrist.
 - Work on crossings.
 - Distance drills and better understanding of measure.
 - I'm pausing between my lean and my final lunge, but if I don't pause I find myself losing the lean.
 - Keep knees properly in line.

Plan for this week:
 - Running, squats, push-ups, etc. Exercise that I can do at home without equipment.
 - Continued stretches, and figuring out what series of stretches does what I want it to.
 - Continued drills and extend the time spent on them:
     - Footwork
     - Lunges
     - Disengages
     - Visualizing crossings
     - ???

Capoferro: A Status Update

I've started and stopped posts on Capoferro at least four times over the past several weeks, for a variety of reasons. Lack of time is a big one, but not knowing what I want to say or how I want to structure it is a much bigger problem. Essentially, I wanted to do a close read through of Capoferro's "The Art and Practice of Fencing," and I hoped that posting notes here would keep me accountable and moving forward. But adding the blog to the picture seems to have had the opposite effect. So instead I'm going to start marking up a "chapter" a day and finish the week with highlighted short term and long term takeaways. And since I wanted to start giving myself shorter term notes and goals again, that should fold in well with weekly plans.

I have no prepared chapter notes for this week, but for next week I'll aim to have something to say on "Of Fencing In General" through "The Body" that isn't a multi-page analysis of his writing style. (In my defense, that's been the focus of most close readings in my life.)

Other plans for this week:

- Footwork, attempts at offline footwork
- Lunges, attempts at offline lunges
- Thoughts on guards/dagger guards and transitions
- Disengages, disengage+add distance+lunge
- General exercise/fitness
- Not letting travel interrupt my usual schedules (This is always a problem.)

- Going through duello.tv to find appropriate videos for the week

Mostly back to basics and better habits for the moment.

East Kingdom King's and Queen's Rapier Championships 2016

This weekend was exhausting, but worth it. For all of my drive and optimism at Pennsic, I lost interest in fencing over the past couple of months. This wasn't fencing's fault, I lost interest in most things, and fencing I at least managed to continue working on. I've been dragging myself out to practice, taking notes, and enjoying myself when there, but everything else, from drilling at home to research to taking care of my weapons, has fallen into the province of tiresome but necessary chores.* And it's an unfortunate cycle. If I don't work, I don't improve, and the longer I fail to improve the thicker the drudge I have to shake off to find my interest again.

But today I woke up bright eyed and bushy tailed, unheard of for a Monday, and I did five minutes of dagger drills. Tomorrow it will be ten, plus footwork, and we'll see where things go from there.


So About The Tournament (Round Robin)

On Saturday I entered my sixth tournament. (I was surprised  to find that number was so high, but technically I was in three tournaments at this past Pennsic, even if I bowed out of one early and another ended early due to heat.) Having watched K&Q last year, I was excited and not terribly stressed about entering. Round robin pools that are "deep" with talent are only great for me. No matter how well or poorly I do, I'm going to get a set number of excellent fights and good experience. Far less stressful than double elim, and less quick and chaotic than a bear pit. So in the week leading up I wasn't thinking too much about the tournament beyond its being on my calendar.

But I hate long drives late at night, and so I made the mistake of waking up early and driving five hours before sign ups closed. I know my body's frequently illogical reactions well, and so I made sure to minimize my caffeine intake during the drive proper, ate a reasonable breakfast on the road, and ate a packed lunch once I arrived, but even so I was jittery and unsettled. It didn't feel quite like the performance anxiety that I associate with tournaments, but my current theory is that it was that combined with the physical stress of minimal sleep and general social anxiety caused by being in an unfamiliar situation teeming with noise and strangers.

I did try to snag a warm up beforehand, because often if it's only physical jitteriness a few fencing passes will resettle me, but if anything that highlighted how out of it I was, and I settled into a state of trepidation.

The trepidation eased slightly when Countess Marguerite was called in the same pool I was. Not because of familiar or unfamiliar fights, which everyone brought up when I mentioned that, but for the comfort of her presence. I technically knew a few other fencers in the pool, but particularly at that point I needed to be around at least one person who didn't spike my social anxiety. I'm still new enough to the society at large that I assume every action I'm taking is somehow wrong, and I go deer in the headlights when strangers start speaking to me. Having a friend nearby eases all of that significantly.

Still, I was in the first pairing in our pool and in the worst headspace I've been in since my first tournament. I took diligent notes after every battle and made sure to at least smile at and thank my opponents before retreating back to my carved out safe corner, but those first few fights were a complete blur, even immediately after the fact. I started improving as the day went on, less due to any changes in thinking on my part and more, I assume, because fencing started calming my body down and the situation became rote enough that all my "What do I do?" anxieties faded.

I ended on a high note: A fight I was legitimately pleased with and a giant hug from Meggie. But for the rest of the day I described my overall performance as meh and lackluster and some of the worst I've had. Which I think in retrospect is unfair. Even feeling as poorly as I did, I can compare this tournament to previous tournaments and see improvement. I wasn't clicking and thinking in my fights the way I've gotten used to, but even without a brain there are certain things I can take for granted now that I couldn't before. I don't have to think about setting up. I don't have to think about spotting openings (taking advantage of them, however...). At least a few parries and shots I now manage instinctively. Would I have fought better if I weren't a jittery mess? Absolutely. But it's nice to see that my baseline has shifted.

I doubled twice. Once in my first fight, falling into a habit I've noticed at practice, where at a certain closeness I forget my sword and simply attack with my dagger. Too focused on offense, I did stab my opponent, but at the same time he got me with his sword solidly in my center line. (Which broke his sword. The first time I've seen that happen. It was an... exciting and surprising start to the day.)  My second double was against one of the historic Italian fencers I most enjoy watching, and talking about it afterward it was clear we threw nearly identical shots and failed at the exact same dagger parry. Gotta work on that.

My two wins were a rote parry-stab win that I still didn't think or get much out of, against an opponent who looked as unsettled as I was, and the fight I actually felt awake during with Meggie. She brought her buckler, having bent her dagger on the fencer whose sword I broke (it was a strange day in our pool), and for all that buckler intimidates me, I actually remembered and executed the advice Lilias gave me at practice ages ago about threatening bucklers, I remembered to move my feet, something I've been forgetting lately, and the shot I finally landed was from an angle I traditionally have trouble with (both throwing and defending against), which is essentially under and up. I felt awake, it felt good, and Meggie's enthusiastic celebration made me blush happily. I'm sad that that only came together on my last fight, but glad that of all the people on the list, the person I cared about got my best fight of the day.

After that point I felt fine and my hands had stopped shaking, but instead of pursuing pickups I chatted with folks until the final 16 started up.

The Sweet 16 (My Friends Fight Pretty)

I am eternally pleased and proud by how well my local practices acquit themselves in every tournament I watch. I know that I'm surrounded by good friends, people, and fencers, but seeing them do well and get recognition for doing well, (and for all the hard work that I see every week), will never stop being wonderful.  A significant portion of the sixteen were people I know and care about, and whose fights are always worth watching. I spent most of the start bouncing on my toes and trying to watch two or three fights at once, grateful for the best out of three format because it meant that I could generally watch at least one pass from every pairing.

The fact that all the final fencers had to fight single until they lost a match made it that much better to watch. I've almost certainly acquired a bias through osmosis, but single rapier fights are some of the prettiest. And more than that, it seems to distill technique, or at least is a more familiar language to me. Watching someone with case fight someone with buckler, I can't as easily compare their styles. But single versus single brought clarity to some of those pairings that was a delight to watch and analyze. I haven't had that much fun watching a tournament since the first time I watched Pennsic Rapier Champs and decided that my friends were all studying a particularly violent form of art. (Which they are.)

That alone made up for the lackluster start to the day, but then three of the final four were Handsome Calivers and folks I care about. Remy, Malocchio, and Lupold. Their fights were absolutely gorgeous from beginning to end. The small movements, the testing and shifting guards, the explosively violent close games.... They were amazing and heart-wrenching and anyone who doesn't think that fencing is a spectator sport hasn't seen any of those three fight. And the care they all took to make sure the fights were clean and clear and honest might be taken for granted, but I'm grateful to have such a fine quality of friends and role models. (You three are all inspirational and should feel good about yourselves.)

In the end, Lupold won King's Champion, and Malocchio both won Queen's Champion and received a writ for his elevation to Master of Defense. It was a good day.


Inspiration and Identity (But What About Me?)

More than anything else, those fights reminded me why I started fencing. Not as an excuse to get out of the house and see people on a regular basis (though that's helpful) and not to fight in melees in war (though that's fun), but because it's an art, and it's beautiful, and if I can echo even a fraction of the brilliance of the people around me, it will be well worth the effort. Good fencing is smooth, efficient, and deliberate, and every fencer has their own personality, even if they've studied the same styles. I walked away from my first fencing Pennsic hoping to find my path and fencing "voice," and I let that lapse. I shouldn't have.

I still don't think of myself as a fencer, which I expect would surprise my SO, who's learned that the only sacred calendar entry is fencing practice. In the taxonomy of the SCA, of course I am. I'm a Handsome Boy, I spend all my time with fencers, and I've barely dabbled in the other parts of the society. (Which I would like to change, admittedly.) But in my daily life this still feels like an art and a joy that I've borrowed from others. It feels insincere to admire a beautiful blade, be excited to read a period manual, or have opinions and preferences on fight styles. It feels like the height of hubris to try to figure out my fencing personality. Am I really the kind of person who wants to go home and watch Duello or am I trying to force this hobby?** I suspect that as much as I worry about dagger guards and angles, the actual best step forward would be to let that go. That's going to be difficult, and I'm not sure how to go about it, but days like Saturday are a good start.

I am multiclassing, admittedly. This isn't my one love the way it is for many of my friends, and I'm allowed to forgive myself for splitting my time, but not devoting all my developmental energy to this art doesn't make it less my own.


Everything Else (Requisite Subtitle)

Even after a year and change, I'm still figuring out how I best learn. One of my favorite small moments all day involved watching the finals, seeing a small movement from one of the fighters, and finally having advice folks have been giving me for months click into place. Telling me something or my reading something are both helpful, and they'd help me write a book on fencing theory, but where verbal input maps to verbal output for me, I need some combination of visual and kinesthetic learning to actually change the way I fight. I need to see something from the outside and the inside to properly understand what it is and what I need to change. So. More drills, more Duello, more slow work, and more asking for demonstrations when people give me advice. Fortunately that's pretty typical among fencers, and even when I got caught up in a lengthy conversation about different Italian styles later on with a fencer from my pool, it included stance demonstrations and corrections.

That conversation and others that followed are slowly adding to the list of people who comfort me with their presence. I apparently hide my social anxiety well from people who don't know me, which I find fascinating, but it's there. There are fencers at my practices I've never fought, and when I mentioned this to some folks they were surprised, then nodded and pointed out that those are intimidating fighters. But that's never the problem. I don't really even understand why I'd be afraid to spar against someone better than me. (Also, look at who else I practice with. No one is intimidating to fight.) So long as at least one of us is getting something from the practice (and preferably both of us!) everything is fine. But interacting with strangers is troubling, and even if we're in the same room every week, if we don't talk we don't know each other.

Another conversation I had included a reference to joining tournaments with the goal of making a name for oneself, and I recoiled from the thought. Too many people know my name already! I've enjoyed being the invisible newbie following around the Handsome Boys. I've literally never had to walk up for court, and I think that's been good for my heart. Every time someone new remembers my name or compliments me I'm flattered, but a little startled. Still, I'm happy to sword nerd and beer nerd and general nerd at folks in safe places, and the more I do that the less jittery I'll be. And the moment someone asks to fight me again I feel 100% more comfortable around them. Which is perhaps an odd state of affairs, but it seems appropriate, at least.

Going forward, I'm hoping that this renewed energy isn't a fluke, and that I can at least use it to jump start my good habits and enthusiasm until Birka, which was a good inspiration reminder last year. The fencing practice on Sunday will help. I might finally try to think about a fencing playlist, which seems almost silly to me, but might help in a roundabout way with thinking about how I fence and the mindset I associate with fencing, so perhaps it will be a good exercise. And if I can figure out some kata-like drills to relax into for November, I expect both my fencing and my NaNoWriMo writing will appreciate it.

All in all, Saturday was amazing, I've been reminded that fencing brings me joy, I'm proud of my people, and I will forever remember that New Jersey is really far away. Now here's hoping I get some drill updates and Capoferro notes in this space in the next week or so.




* Except writing about Capoferro, which keeps getting delayed not due to lack of interest, but because I can't figure out the proper balance between "These are the concrete notes I am taking away." and "Did you see this turn of phrase? Ugh. I'm so happy about this." But I'll power through that in the next week or two so that I can finally get out of the theory and introduction and into the plates.
** I almost certainly want to watch Duello.tv, and having been reminded how much of a visual learner I am I will start picking that back up again.

Fencing at Pennsic 2016

My second year of fencing at Pennsic included significantly less fencing than before, (mostly due to weather), but was no less fun and productive for it. I melee'd, I tournamented, I did pickups with Handsome Calivers, and I left with a solid set of good notes to work on and the reminder that my mood is always readily improved by being stabbed repeatedly by my friends.

I'm still getting better. I've made less improvement in these last six months than I did in my first, but zero to something is flashier than something to something else, and I've been taking it easy this summer. Once I'm back home and this heat fades, I'd like to get back into my old good habits, steered by Pennsic observations on what I need and want to work on next.

Speaking of, some highlights:

On Stance and Guard:
By far the aspect of my game that gets most complimented is my stance and guard, and for once I felt it. When I set up properly, I didn't die. When I got sloppy as I moved or attacked or let tired arms get the better of me, I died. But there's a clear click in my brain now that knows whether I'm in a good or safe position or not, and I'm finally starting to trust at least my starting guard.

That said, I have some clear steps to work on here. For one, I got some excellent feedback in some of my matches where I was setting up a little off, exposing my right hand by pointing my sword too high, and my left arm by letting my dagger drift over more than it needed to. I got further feedback (including before Pennsic) that some of my movements are creating openings where they don't need to be (aiming thrusts too low and exposing my upper arm, parrying too wide and slow and exposing the side of my arm), and those small, concrete corrections are exactly what I need to better conceptualize and fix my overall defense.  I understand the principles behind guards, and looking at a diagram I can talk about strengths and weaknesses, but as always with fencing I need concrete, easily digestible examples before theory and practice start to mix well in my head. But that finally feels like it will click, and maybe now I can start pre-emptively fixing my defense based on where holes are likely to be, rather than having people find them and only shifting according to what I'm told. It doesn't help that I don't have a good mirror at home, or at any practice other than Wednesday, and have yet to figure out how to fix that.

The other issue I need to fix here is that my guard falls apart. Too much movement and I inevitably have to step back and do a full reset to get back to my starting position. But that's an easy enough fix. More drills and footwork and diligence. Included in there are restarting my guard-shifting drills, because having a good defense in terza is only so helpful. I need to get my offensive positions and thus attacks to at least as good a state.

On Tournaments:
I'm finally, finally starting to get comfortable with tournaments. They're just pickups where I don't have to work up the social momentum to talk to folks beforehand. And sure, I want to win and to do well, but aside from the internal pressure to have a good game and fight well, there's no reason to stress about them. I fought in the Ansteorran tournament again and enjoyed myself. I had the same win/loss ratio as last year, but with much better fights, including one where I waited and watched and studied her guard and attacked when I saw an opening, as opposed to relying on reaction and muscle memory, which always feels more satisfying.

I surprised myself by enjoying the Novice bearpit tournament way more than I expected.  Everyone was courteous, and I made double the effort to be nice and cheerful to folks, since presumably we were all new and uncertain and dying of heat. I greatly appreciated the active marshalls. I lean too conservative in my calls, and got corrected a couple of times in my favor. The more fights I'm in and watch where those calls get definitively made, the better I'll be able to see "nope, flat" and "actually, no, that did hit" and so forth. On both sides.

I was doing fairly well there until I stepped out halfway through to join the By The Book tourney. At which point I almost hit Remy with my hat, since he'd suggested I join and my list was filled with people I know pretty well who are well out of my league. But I found that more amusing than anything, and it didn't change my goals. My one additional worry there was that I'd fall prey to the posture slump I've watched so many fencers fall into when they tell themselves they've lost before they even start the fight. I have no idea if I avoided that or not. I was soundly defeated, but I got something out of almost all of my fights, and it will be an interesting benchmark for next year.

I still don't have a tourney headspace of any kind, but I'm fully sold on the concept and will be trying myself against more of them. So maybe that will come.

Tournament prizes I won included (and were limited to) a small brown glass bottle filled with mysterious white powder.

On Melees:
I need to practice melees during the year. I dislike melee practice, for reasons that aren't 100% clear to me, given how much I enjoy them at war, but I need to get used to the particular brand of chaos that accompanies them. They aren't as safe as one on one fights, and I worry more than I need to about it. In LARPs, my favorite skills are all in the backstab family, but I've never DFBed someone in an SCA fencing melee. I'm too worried about stabbing them instead.  I even did stab someone in the back this war, but lightly, and only because they turned and extended their right arm such that an attack that would have hit them on the front of their right side hit them slightly behind it instead. (I don't think they noticed it wasn't technically in their front 180, honestly.)

That said, I mostly parked myself on lines this year, and so only needed to hold still, not die, and stab people when they mistakenly left themselves open for such. That was simple enough and satisfying. And the final rushing offense of the last battle I was in showed me that as much as I police myself for tunnel vision, I have better situational awareness than a lot of folks (who don't field fight at LARPs throughout the year), and there was a lot of just moving forward and leaving a ridiculous trail of bodies behind in the chaos. It was...strange. Fun, I think, but strange. Having excellent generals and folks to fight beside always makes me happy.

On Equipment:
I would like to start playing around and fighting with other weapons to see if I can get an opinion on blade length and balance, though I'm not buying another sword any time soon.

Once I came to the conclusion I wasn't going to buy a sword, I bought a dagger to match my current sword and named it after a skull. It seemed appropriate in the moment.

In General:
I brought a new notebook and resolved to take notes from every one of my sparring matches and tournament fights. That didn't work with the bearpit, but I managed to write something down for every one of my non-bearpit fights, even if only a description of how the fight went and felt. In all but two instances, I managed to pull out a lesson to add to my notes as well. I'd like to be in better shape, I'd like to restart some of my drills where I see myself slipping, and add in some drills where I'm seeing holes, but overall I'm comfortable enough with my basics and where I am now that I'm happy to dive back into Capoferro over the next couple weeks.

Now to channel this renewed drive and see how much progress I can make before K&Q!

So you want your trans friends to be comfortable at SCA events... (Part 1)

I would rather talk about sword fighting than trans issues any day of the week, but Pennsic is here and a quick chat seems useful. I'll write up something longer and more in depth later on.

Here's a quick list of things you can do to make any SCA event you're at a little more comfortable and trans inclusive:

1. Mind your miladys and milords.  I'm going to get misgendered twice a day once I arrive on site at Pennsic. It's just what happens. That doesn't make it comfortable. I know that it's considered both polite and part of the fun to refer to each other as such, (particularly milady, much to my sadness), but if you drop the frequency a touch and avoid assuming the genders (both persona and otherwise) of everyone you meet, I guarantee you'll save someone a bit of pain.
Edit: A suggestion has been raised that "good gentle" is a perfectly fine gender neutral honorific that could take the place of some of these.

2. Assume folks are using the correct bathroom and changing area. If you'd like me to go into this in more depth I will, but really, bathrooms are private. Mind your business and they'll mind theirs, and I guarantee they know better than you where they should be. For added support here, check out http://www.illgowithyou.org/, and consider wearing some garb-appropriate token to indicate acknowledgement and support. (Some kind folks have made me a few to wear and pass out, which I'll be experimenting with at Pennsic.)

3. Check out your kingdom's armor policies. (And maybe other policies as well.) Every set of armor rules that I've looked at (though I believe a few are being rewritten), equates gender with genitalia. Men need to wear cups. Women are expressly assumed not to need to. The go-to question from fencing marshals in my area was for ages "Are you wearing your gender-specific rigid protection?" To which my answer is universally no. The marshals who know me have now switched to "Are you wearing your anatomy-specific rigid protection?" which is the actual question the rules intend to ask, and works perfectly well.

4. Don't be afraid to ask about a person's gender and pronouns if you're not sure. Assuming is far ruder. And frankly, this should be even easier in the SCA than elsewhere, given the prevalence of people playing genders other than their own. Ask how people want you to refer to them, and it will save you and them a lot of hassle.

5. Avoid binary gendered language if you can. "Lords and Ladies," etc. If you're giving a speech or titling an event, it takes very little effort to address the set of all humans in a more gender neutral fashion. Outside of the SCA, "esteemed guests" works well, but I'm sure there are a number of fun and interesting more period-appropriate addresses you could use. Many trans people fall into "lords and ladies" and the applicable gender binary just fine, but not everyone does.
Edit: As before, "good gentles" covers this very well.

6. If any of this goes against your Dream, consider why. The SCA was pitched to me as "The middle ages without all the bad parts." The bad parts are mostly hand-waved as plague, but if your version of the Dream doesn't include space for same-gender consorts, women fighters, or the acknowledged existence of trans people, I'm gonna go out on a limb and say you're still including a lot of the bad parts there. Learn from history, then grow beyond it.

I hope that's clear and helpful to folks. Another part I'd normally add is an addendum that it's not the job of your trans friends to educate you, but in my case in particular I'd rather help where I can. So if you have questions, always feel welcome to ask.

Credit Where Credit Is Due

I've recently been taken to task (nicely, by someone who handed me a beer first) for giving myself insufficient credit on my fencing progress. This is up there with "You need to work on angles and redoubling" in the list of common feedback I receive, but usually it just provokes owlish blinking from me.

If and when I say "I'm not a good fencer," I mean it. I'm not. I'm a beginner! I don't expect to be a good fencer. But too often I think people hear "I'm not doing well enough," which isn't at all what I mean. You'll never hear me say "I'm not a good student." or "I'm not good for someone who's only been fencing for a year," because both seem demonstrably untrue. By that metric, I'm doing great! Similarly, when I walk away from a fight or practice listing off all the things I did wrong, that doesn't mean I'm not silently acknowledging what I did well, it's just that what I did wrong is the list of things that I need to focus and work on.

Unfortunately, this means my practice notes look skewed to the negative, and unless you're Donovan, you haven't witnessed my "I'm going to be a good fencer one day!" excitement that hits every few months or milestones.

Am I as good as most of my friends? No. Let's be real, here. I hang out with far too many OGRs and MoDs for that to be true. Do I have peers within the community and even within my friend group? I do! But I don't have a good idea of how many, or where I stand in the SCA fencing community at large. But hey, that's what events are for, and I've already made plans to better benchmark myself and my progress. And I am making progress. There's nothing I like more than sparring someone I haven't fought in several months and seeing how differently the fight goes.

And the more important question: Am I as good as I'd like to be right now? I don't know. I could be better. I've been taking it easy the past few months. That's been a good call, and I've enjoyed being focused on other aspects of my life, but I'm a little sad the timing matched up with when I would otherwise have been prepping for Pennsic. But such are things. My Pennsic experience won't suffer for it, and I'll pick back up again in the fall.

So how about this: I'll start folding my positive progress into my practice reports along with my critiques, I'll continue to try to be better about taking compliments, rather than blushing and mumbling shyly, and as part of my self-assigned Pennsic homework, I'll come home with a list of things that I am definitively good at, rather than "personally improved" or "not bad enough to focus on right now." Sound fair?

And in the meantime I'll continue having fun, poking at the holes in my abilities, and frowning and dithering because I'm a creature of structure constantly reassessing how to best move forward and grow in this skill without a set path. (And, ideally, documenting whatever path I create in case someone finds it useful later on.) That's most of what I'm here for anyway. That and simple love of violence.

Meanwhile, Egerton

One on my long list of stalled personal projects is digging more into the historical context of these fencing styles and masters I hear so much about. At this point I can recognize Capoferro versus Fabris and can follow along on discussions of Spanish versus Italian styles, but I've been around far more skill and theory discussion than history discussions. Who was learning these styles in their various times and places? How were their schools or lessons structured, if they were? What safety measures did they take for their own practice? Who built off whom?

Mostly I'm just curious, but I figure knowledge of different periods and places is always good, and maybe one will strike me enough that I'll shift my garb or persona focus in that direction rather than my current vague strategy of "The countries of my ancestors seem less appropriative." and "Clothes are probably good to wear, particularly if swording."

A few months back I was inspired enough to do some research, and I dug up Egerton Castle's Schools and Masters of Fencing : From the Middle Ages to the Eighteenth Century as a suggested starting place. I've since encountered a number of negative reviews that complain about his obvious bias for Victorian fencing, and the fact that his book is basically structured as a thesis describing its inevitable evolution and superiority into the (then) current form. To which I have to wonder, what did they expect? Academic writing is all biased and attempting to prove a point. And if something written by a Victorian Englishman wasn't overwhelmingly condescending toward everyone and everything else, I'd be far more startled and a little suspicious.  He does describe the Victorian style of fencing as "perfect" seven times in the introduction alone, but I found that rather endearing, and so long as he lists some primary or secondary sources I can go investigate directly, it will serve my purpose. 

Maybe I'll change my tune after I read further in, but that will require getting my act together and working through it. If so, I'll let you know! But until then, he did have a few things to say that seemed reasonable and relevant to other fencing thoughts, even in his introduction:

"[I]f, trusting to his youth and agility, the beginner does not start by drilling himself into correct action--which admits of all but infinite variety--he will never get beyond a few favorite attacks and parries, which may, however, by constant practise, be performed with intense vigour and rapidity. But as his physical power fails, instead of reaping the benefit of practise, he becomes less and less dangerous to his opponents, and ends by accusing his years and giving up an exercise which might have delighted him to his last days."

Further thoughts on beginners drilling correct action (not my strong suit of late) will doubtless follow.

Other interesting Egerton Castle facts I might look into if my wandering focus revives: If the dates I've seen around are accurate, he was younger than me when he wrote Schools and Masters of Fencing, and he wrote a handful of other stories and novels, some co-authored with his wife, including a romance and a novel on "Our Sentimental Garden," which details, among other things, the quirks of their spoiled Pekinese named Loki. I might need to investigate that further.

Learning, Structure, and Motivation: Getting back into things

In addition to learning to fence, a lot of my past year has been spent learning how I learn, and I'm getting increasing sympathy for my poor grade school teachers. I have issues of focus related to boredom and distraction, issues of focus related to anxiety, a need for clear, detailed instruction and structure.... But fortunately I knew most of that already, so I prepped for it as best I could in the free form world of teaching myself a skill outside of formalized classes. I'm still not wonderful at it, though, so here are some observations and thoughts for improvement:

Part the First: 

I realized recently that I'm bored. Not because I've mastered anything, but because I stopped giving myself goals and reading material (it's been a busy couple of months), and now there aren't any large concepts that I'm trying to work my way around. There's plenty I can do to improve, and I have a ton of drilling to catch up on, but without something new to throw my brain at my motivation and morale both fade. The solution here is, likely, to sketch out some goals for learning material to go through over the next few weeks. I already knew that I wanted to start seriously reading through Capoferro's manual, so that plus comparing with The Duelist's Companion and relevant duello.tv videos should be fun! I'll see how far I get on that this week with a concerted effort, and use that to baseline more quantitative goals in July.

Hopefully that will translate into smoother fighting. As it is, I've started pausing as I try to think about next steps and what I want to do in any given situation, which is nice to be able to do, but I keep coming up short on the answers, getting frustrated, and becoming more aggressive in ways that haven't been helpful to me. If nothing else, knowing that I'm actively studying again will encourage me to be patient and start cataloging those situations so that I can go back and look into them later.

In general, I need goals, and I need to know what's next. First there was authorizing, then there was a sea of EVERYTHING that I managed to break into smaller chunks, and then there was dagger, and now, I hope, the next step is some slightly more advanced thinking/technique for me to focus on while I continue drilling to improve at the basics. Maybe now I'll finally be able to break into that flow chart, or maybe something else will make more sense to work on. We'll see. I asked for a reasonable new fencer syllabus when I first started out, and I don't think that desire will ever entirely go away, I just have to sit down and make my own (and run it by folks who know better to see if it's reasonable).

Part the Second:

Getting the most out of events and practices. On bad days (of which today was one), I have difficulty ...making things go. Talking to people is hard, motivating myself is hard, and it's nigh impossible to determine if I'm making sensible decisions or simply being very good at convincing myself. What I need to do, and I've said this before without acting on it, is make goals in advance of an event. "Fight X people," or even "Fight these specific fencers I don't otherwise see around." Figure out what I want to be working on, whether that's a fun play day or specific techniques or testing myself. I'm going to do this before GNEW, even if all I do is write down some goals with exclamation marks on the drive down.

This is another issue that's exacerbated by a lack of outside structure or goals, which is the catch to self-motivated learning, so I'm glad to try to find workarounds in fencing that I can carry over to other activities. Another of those workarounds involves a lot of checking with people I trust to see if I should go do the thing, or if maybe the thing won't be helpful to me, or if I should just go off and try a different thing.... Helping end my decision paralysis by giving me the opinion of someone more trustworthy than my own thoughts. But a.) that's an imposition on the people around me and b.) more and more I know what I should be doing, and just need someone to confirm. So it really shouldn't be necessary, but often another voice confirming or telling me to just go do the damn thing is helpful. It's the main thing that makes me envious of folks with formal teachers and mentors some days. Fortunately people are good enough about that that if I show up at an event and ask if I should join the tourney everyone's talking about, pretty much everyone in ear shot says yes. (This might have happened at Sommer Draw.) And my friends aren't shy about telling me Soandso or Suchandsuch is a fun and good person to fight, all of which is helpful.

Smaller event and practice bits I'd like to work on: 

 - "Safe" warm-up fights? Warm-up fights are good, and when I'm feeling particularly off, and extra disinclined to fight someone new, it might be good to reach out to people I fight regularly as a start, and I should likely not feel bad about asking people to fight at a fight practice.

 - Downtime. This is far more of a problem at events, but I get antsy when I don't have anything to do and don't know what the upcoming schedule is. "Should I pack up now, or might there be pick ups later?" "Everyone's off at a command meeting, if I wait here how long will I be waiting and will anyone be coming back this way?" And left to my own twitchy devices I do the next thing on my To Do list to fill the time, which usually involves cleaning up and leaving. A lot of this can be solved by more aggressive checking in with folks (which is unlikely to happen), better planning beforehand, having something to do during downtime, and remembering food and water so that my brain doesn't shut off.

Goals and Motivation

I know I don't actually need an introduction for this sort of thing, but old habits die hard and it might some day be useful to know where I'm coming from on these topics. With that in mind, why did I start fencing and what are my goals for fencing now?

On the broadest level, I've been wanting to learn a martial art for years. For my health, for my curiosity, for the pleasure of safe and controlled violence, and in more recent years to combat body dysphoria with greater body awareness and control. Fencing, of all martial arts that I could look into in my area, offered the opportunity to learn surrounded by friends and folks I already knew in an already familiar environment, and given my massive social anxieties, that wasn't much of a contest. As an added bonus, it gave me more to do at SCA events!

My goals have since then revolved around learning historic Italian fencing in general and Capoferro in particular. In part because I learn through structure, and there are already all of these lovely resources that break down historic Italian fencing in ways that are easy for me to digest. It's a consistent style that I can study, work on, and measure my goals against. (Though I do need to switch to reading Capoferro directly, and will talk about that here at some point.)

I'm also coming at this as a nerd who's never been into sports, and so for me it's more of an intellectual and research exercise than a desire to be competitive. Learning history and a specific historic skill set is fun, interesting, and entirely in my wheelhouse. Learning to win at a game is not as familiar a motivation, and arguably not as tangible and realistic a goal. It took a while for folks to even sell me on tournaments, since it seemed outside of what I was doing, but I see their value now. I'd still feel more accomplished losing while staying in the forms I'm trying to learn rather than winning messily, but tests and markers are important regardless. (Obviously winning cleanly is better than both, but priorities are helpful to acknowledge, and in any event I'm still at the losing messily stage and will be here for a while.)

And a smidge of the reason is that of the fencers I most like to watch, many are fighting in one specific style (not all Italian, mind) and there's a crispness or a cleanness in the way they move that I enjoy and would love to one day echo. That might not end up being Italian for me, but it's a place to start.

The rest is all Donovan's fault, probably.

For now I go back and forth between focused research and drilling and less focused "I'll go to practice and try to get better at swording in general", but my main goal is definitely one specific style. Once I feel comfortable with Capoferro, I'll be interested in branching out and looking at other styles for new learning and for the sake of comparison, and I'm very interested in one day looking more into cut-and-thrust, (for reasons that are in no way related to my guilty love of Highlander), but one thing at a time.

About This Blog Title

Before I do anything with this blog, I'd like to explain the title and give credit where credit is due. "The Alchemy of Practice" is a line I've borrowed from a blog post by Guy Windsor. Back in the summer of 2015, a trans woman was denied entry into a woman's longsword tournament. I honestly don't know the details; I'd picked up a sword all of two months prior and had little knowledge of the world of swordsmanship beyond my local SCA practice. But a number of fencers blogged their opinions and support, and one of them was Mr. Windsor.

One sunny August day, while helping a friend move, I came across Swords Do Not Discriminate, Neither Should Swordsmen. It's worth reading in its entirety, but one paragraph in particular caught me and hasn't left: "This is the whole point of training swordsmanship. You start out wanting to be something that you are not (yet): A swordsman. You train, and sweat, and bleed and suffer (in my classes, anyway), and through the alchemy of practice you become the person you aspire to be. For any swordsman to fail to see the similar but vastly more difficult course that trans people go through strikes me as a pathetic failure of imagination and empathy."

It's perhaps worth mentioning here that I'm a trans man. I officially came out to everyone in early 2015, began filing paperwork in May, and started medically transitioning in the early fall.  Between those last two steps, I started fencing. 

I don't know that I can fully express what that quote meant to me, coming across it when I did. Two years ago, I wouldn't have believed that I could take the step and come out to the world and be accepted as the person and gender I always have been. I definitely didn't think I had the grace or skill or physical ability to bother picking up a sword. But I've proven both of those wrong. I'm proud of everything I've done and built over the past year, and I look forward to further building up toward the best version of myself, through conscious thought and effort, and "the alchemy of practice."

So when the time came to blog about my SCA journey, which at this point is mostly the story of my learning to be a swordsman, that's the only phrase that felt right for the title, and I hope he won't mind my using it as a reminder.